stillmyboo
Mia V
Sport
Brass P
A blog I’ve been saying I was going to write for months, because every time I discuss my perspective on this issue, I either disgust people, or get them to nod in agreement. It’s one of the few things in life that I am sure of. Without further adieu, take this in. Pause.
Guys can NOT be “best friends” with a girl unless:
1. They have damn near known each other since 5 or younger.
2. She is irrevocably ugly. In which case, she probably fits the criteria of #1.
Now let me get this out the way. This is not saying that Girls can’t be best friends with a guy. I believe that is somewhat possible, even though I’m skeptical of that as well. Alot of times its your Emergency Dick in a Jar. Just know that your guy “bff” is not genuine about saying the same. Now, at this point, girls are probably saying “WTF?! Why not?!” While guys are thinking “Oh shit, this nigga about to put me on blast.” Here’s my list of reasons why this can not happen, period:
1. You and the guy hooked up/dated at some point. This is the most common case in my opinion.
2. The guy liked you at some point/professed his love to you. A guy is not going to get so close to a girl to be considered her “best friend” and not feel some kind of way about her, at some point in that friendship.
3. Never hooked up? Never professed his love? It’s not even like that at all? Just friends? Okay. Get drunk one day and point blank offer him head/pussy. Watch what he says. A guy will pipe his so-called “BFF.” Maybe its just me, but I don’t believe in having any kind of sexual tension with your closest friend. Which is why they’re my male niggas.
4. You have a boyfriend. Your BFF is probably lying in wait, praying that you leave the boyfriend and realize what a great guy he is. #SuckaShit
I remember discussing this with a lady friend of mine, who was trying to persuade me that her and her male BFF were strictly platonic. After investigating, I got her to realize that he actually fit #’s 1, 2, and 4. She then attempted to trump my theory by asking since me and her were relatively cool, would I ever take her to pipeville. I said yes in 0.5 seconds. Explained that even though a dude may not be tryin to HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA ( (c) Chapelle) doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t hit. Because there are 4 categories of women when it comes to “Would you pipe?” Oh Lord. That’s another blog for another week. Anyways, I then got her pregnant. Just kidding. About the pregnant part, I hope.
Anyways, all that is to say that a guy can’t be “BFF’s, bestie’s” or whatever gay term is out there with a girl. They can be homies. I have a lot of female homies. But that #3 applies alot. Don’t get mad, I’m only being real (c) Snoop.
*reverbing “Yea”….cue Nate Dogg*
Hey. Me and Hawdwerk (Hawdwerk and I? Hawdwerk and myself? I need to call Mrs. Osman and check my 3rd grade Grammar rules) are releasing our High Power Moves album next week! Ow! Pow! Bang! Shaboing!
Speaking of Ow, Pow, Bang, and Shaboing, I was watching old rap videos on Youtube, all of them containing Video Hoes. It got me to thinking, which Video Hoes usually inspire, about how our perception of what is attractive can change throughout the years. Like, what did I think was sexy throughout my 23 years? Who were my celebrity crushes (No Tiger Beat)? Its a good thing I have a good memory. Let’s go on a journey through time and dimes:
1991: Mariah Carey
As far back as I can remember, Mariah Carey was my first crush. Of course it had to be a white woman. The Vision of Love video stole my lil heart and prompted me to break up with Meagan at the Swings and Amber at the slide. Actually, Amber dumped me because Shamiya told her too, because I was too tall and had another gf named Meagan. I swear on my life that this is a true story. Ask my mother if you ever meet her.
1993/1994: Cindy Crawford
Another white woman. Don’t judge me. The mole did it for me. I even knew at a young age that she was married to Richard Gere at the time. What 8 year old looks up Celeb Gossip to see if somebody they covet is single? Justin Keith Williams.
1996: Topanga
I swear. Color is coming. Lets be real, its the lips. I’d take her down to this day. I don’t care if she put on weight, as long as those lips didn’t lose weight. Pow!
1997: Halle Berry
No words are needed. It just “clicked”.
1999: Jet Magazine Page 43
All black teenage males at this time period know what page 43 is. For those that don’t know, its the “Jet Beauty of the Week” where there were many hits and misses. At this time, I was stealing my mom’s magazines and cutting page 43′s out, throwing them up on my wall. P.S. I chose this girl because her name is Seconda.
2001: Aaliyah
Babygirl, awh. Aaliyah actually had it from 95 till she passed. But damn if she didn’t look good before she left. SMH. I still don’t like talking about her. I was smitten.
2002: Amerie
Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn.
2003: MUHF*CKIN BEYONCE
I dare you to show me a female that looked better than Beyonce in any of those videos she did for the Dangerously in Love album. I’ll wait.
2007: Lauren London
I wanted her so bad. She was the perfect mix of gorgeous/down to earth. And then she let a syrup-induced Gremlin put his tentacles inside of her. Never the same.
2008-2009: Kim Kardashian
Pull over. Do you know why I pulled you over? Not necessarily because you were on your cell phone. Actually, its because your ass was too phat!
2010 On Sport’s Radar
Rosa Acosta: I’m happy that Youtube doesn’t consider her stretching videos to be porn. Then again, 13 yr old boys are happier.
Megan Fox: She’s cute in a skinny way. Lips.
Keri Hilson: I don’t know why. But we have something special…maybe she’s my around the way girl.
Rashida Jones: Okay, you’re probably thinking “really?” The fact that she’s cute and funny and the daughter of Quincy Jones makes me wanna go splat.
-’Sport
